I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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