Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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