god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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