wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
