and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
