DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
