My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
