When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
