he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
