What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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