Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
