I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
