i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
