i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
