He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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