i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
