New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
