When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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