I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
