I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
