Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
