i may or may not be watching the land before time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
