i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
