I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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