It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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