and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
