I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
