Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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