I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
