how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
