The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
last night I used snow as a chaser
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
