I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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