Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
