I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
