Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
