My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
