I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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