I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
