Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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