She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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