he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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