Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
