i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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