I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
