i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
