How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
