Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
