It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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