I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
