I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
