opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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