His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I stole a fireplace last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
