i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
