Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
