i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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