i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
