apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
